I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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