You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Holy sore nipples Batman
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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