im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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