You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
