I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
