Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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