so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
