It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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