But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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