Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
