What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
