how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
