mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize