My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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