come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
