Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Drunk is a universal language darling
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