so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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