So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize