Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
