Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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