Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
