i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
