My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
