I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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