; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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