I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
