im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
