There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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