that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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