Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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