I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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