I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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