ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
