dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
