Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
