Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
