Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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