Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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