She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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