Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
