im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
