Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
