Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize