i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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