no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
