I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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