That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
