I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
