On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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