i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
