woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
