just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
