Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize