You smell like stripper and shame
home. puking in laundry basket.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
