strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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