Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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