I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
