it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize