I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
