I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
