i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
