It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
