I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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