was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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