Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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