I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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