How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
3 2 1 whiskey
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
