It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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