i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
