I have demons in me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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