Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're breaking my sexual little heart
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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