Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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