My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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