I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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