I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
