thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why did my mother make you get naked?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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