made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
