There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
