I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Blood and glitter go together right?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
