Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
