I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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