This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
