Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
