she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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