let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize