i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
