Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
