smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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