If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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