It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
