Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
