unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
