I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
