Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Drunk is not a location!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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