i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
