And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We're too hungover to prance.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
