ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize