He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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