Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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