I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
