He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
