I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
